9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
