I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
