There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
