You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
