There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
