I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just invented taco cereal.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
