her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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