How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
sex in a hospital.. check
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
