I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
