everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
