i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
