I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
