if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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