Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
