his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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