oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
