so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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