So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
