Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
