am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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