There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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