yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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