she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Drunk is not a location!
I would ride that face into the sunset
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
