I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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