tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
