We're facebook friends in real life
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
