dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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