Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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