I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
