my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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