Your face is a jimmy john
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
