I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
