I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
