imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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