no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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