She's JV to your varsity
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
