Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I smell stomach acid.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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