The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
BRING THE BAGELS
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
