Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
