There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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