there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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