I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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