hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
barbara walters just said penis...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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