I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize