"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
