Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize