Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
