the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
