Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think my vagina is haunted
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize