i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
