I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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