my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
