she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
