Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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