I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I enjoy the company of your penis
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
