he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
