brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
whose parrot is this?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize