girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
