I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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