dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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