bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
