My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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