I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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