Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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