So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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