I've blown a few things in my day
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
