normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
