mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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