I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
