Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
