this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am one with the molecules
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
